This year, perhaps foolishly, I am focusing on change. Little by little, I need to make some changes in my life or I will not live to see 26, this is fact.
2009 was a a hell of a year, and I intend on doing some round up closure post. It was definitely a year that needs closure, a shut door, a final sentence. It was rough. My depression reared it's ugly head all year long. I had my heart severely broken by one of the most important people in my life, and the year ended with me cutting him out of my life. Maybe not forever, but for the new few months. I spent September, October, November, and the majority of December as a functional alcoholic (aside from the 6.5-8.5 hours a day I was at work, of course).
I'm focusing on itsy bitsy changes each day. If it's not easy, I won't do it. I've spent years laughing at all who choose to make new year's resolutions, but maybe they have the right idea. At least they try, right? So, this year, 2010, I am trying. One small thing each day that's productive. Anything from cleaning to cooking to crafting to shopping smart to spending great time with friends to going the extra baby step at work. Just a little something so that my day isn't a total depressing waste.
And maybe, juuuuuuuust maybe, I can sleep at night again, all night. I can wake up and not immediately, involuntarily, burst into tears. Maybe I'll start to see a future again even if it means he's not going to be in it. Maybe by my 25th birthday, in June, I'll be able to have a good time socially without being blackout drunk.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be okay.
Today's accomplishment(s): Dishes washed. TONS of recycling brought down to the bins.
I'm also unofficially beginning a new 365...if I make it to 20 days then it becomes official. Official that I've lost my mind, that is.
0 catastrophies:
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