everything ends

i am forcing myself to become one of those people who come home and change directly into something comfortable. hopefully this will put me in a more comfy-coze head-space, rather than the high strung crazy bitch head-space i've been in.

everything ends. lots of things and people have come and gone in my short life thus far. the latest thing is (or rather will be) alcohol. it's gotten to the point where i can't have just one drink, i get started and i need 8. i need to blackout drunk. and this past weekend was the last straw. i'm tired of waking up and not remembering a damn thing, only to find out about whatever ridiculous/horrible things i was up to.

it stops now.

i'm going to get a lot of flack from people. yeah, sad. but those are the kind of people i have in my life. not all of them, but quite a few aren't going to understand. and they're going to get bored of my presence because i won't be insane crazy drunko that is funny to watch/laugh at. and then once again i'll be able to seperate the true from the not.

my goal is to go a year without the bottle, and then reevaluate. it took me three or four months to develop this bad habit, and i'd like see if i can reverse it. it would be amazing to be able to enjoy a glass of wine again, in a social situation, without feeling the need to down the entire bottle and then chase it with whatever else i can manage to get my hands on.

i'm pretty confident i can pull this off. as far as i'm concerned, removing KGB from my life (temp or permanently, that's to be seen) was the hardest thing i've had to do in the last decade or so. this should be easy by comparison.

m and c came over on sunday to dump out all the reserves. m has apparently been waiting to do this for awhile. i'm glad someone got some enjoyment out of my pathetic state.